Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
