I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
