I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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