Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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