Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
