Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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