Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
