What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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