I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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