Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
