You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
