How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize