He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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