Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
