thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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