Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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