my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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