It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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