This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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