I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
