I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
