i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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