White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
