He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The Olympian is in my bed
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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