shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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