he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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