She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How drunk are you?
Completed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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