Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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