Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
