I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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