I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
