i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
