Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
