Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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