just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
