I look better un-naked...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
