Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
