And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
