Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize