omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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