he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
