she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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