I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
