I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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