stop calling my apartment porn island.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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