i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
