Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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