Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
