um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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