I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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