She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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