Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Use "feeling words"
Yay
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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