Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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