Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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