Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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