If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
