he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
