is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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