She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
