He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This baby is an asshole
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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