I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
