Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
