i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love you. Go after that dick
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
