Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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