you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
