The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
