A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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