i permit you to call me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
